For Halloween, I went on a sunrise sober dance party cruise and it was magical silly fun... and yes, I said sunrise and SOBER. Of course, I dressed up as "The Self Love Warrior," and I danced with sparkly weirdos like me who like to wake up before dawn to drink coffee and juice while watching the sun rise above the beautiful Manhattan skyline
On the way home, I was so excited to look at all of the photos I had taken. The first thought when I saw a few of them was, "Sheesh! My arms look huge in this photo. Ugh, I have totally put on weight." Now, I am going to totally bust myself here and be 100% honest. I actually went through and deleted a bunch of awesome photos of me having fun with my friends or I cropped them so that my body looked more “flattering.”
Instead of sitting there and smiling while I remembered the ridiculous fun time I had, I was sitting there obsessively going over each photo looking not only at my arms, but now deciding whether my boobs and tummy looked bad and if I looked…*gasp* older! My mind seriously went to CrazyTown as I went on this huge "Hate yo self" binge. I felt incredibly stupid when I realized that I was dressed like this sparkly goddess on a subway train when I was really behaving like a NO Self Love Warrior. Now, I know I am not the only person who has stared at a photo of themself from an event where they had an amazing time, and then proceeded to beat themself up over their arms not being skinny enough, their smile not being perfect, or "insert any harsh, critical comment here." It has been such a long time since I have been so judgmental about the way my body looks, and I was shocked that there is still this part of me that believes my self worth is dependent on how perfect I look on the outside.
With Instagram, Facebook, Hollywood, and the media filling our brains with photoshopped images of perfect people, it is easy to get caught up in feeling like we are not good enough. We feel the need to filter, crop, and edit so that we meet some standard that is (pardon my French) total bull crap.
The truth is we are perfect in our imperfections, our bodies are miracles, and we are good enough just the way we are. This is the message we need to tell ourselves and our children every freaking day. In hindsight, I am grateful for this experience because it was another AH HA moment for me to notice how quick I can let myself believe all of the messages that have been ingrained in my consciousness that I am not what our society considers beautiful enough or thin enough. And you know what?
So today I am looking at the pictures from watching "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" - the second Halloween adventure I had - (I heart Halloween, BIG time). Instead of being a negative Natty, today I am saying, “Daaaangggg! I look good” and also “Tim Curry is one sexxxxyy man.” So how about we leave the trimming and cutting of things to the Turkey on Thanksgiving, and just enjoy being with friends and family exactly as we are?
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